Who's Afraid of the Big Bad Wolf |
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Fears are real, and they play a dominant role in our lives. Fear can be
a signal for us to pay attention. Yet, we can become immobilized by our
fear if we fail to feel it and acknowledge it. On the other hand, when
we face a fear, it ceases to have power over us. Thus facing our fears
is the fastest way to deal with them. Our children need guidance in
recognizing and processing their fears to help them survive and thrive.
Most of us hope that if we avoid something it will go away. Yet, a
fear not faced actually expands until it is in our face and cannot be
ignored. If a child is very sensitive, every new activity encountered
can be accompanied by some fear. As parents, we want to help our
children develop courage by giving them support and encouragement along
the way. Supporting children allows them to move into a life of
confidence, feeling more in charge of their life. According to Ilene Dillon, M.S.W., fearful children may have some of the following characteristics:
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Many of us have a tendency to criticize ourselves, making harsh
self-judgments. That’s how we play small. We don't have to put a
label on ourselves as "good or bad" or "success or failure" because of
some of our past choices. Some choices just teach us to do it
differently next time for a different result. Actually those results
just give us feedback. Period. Based on the results of past decisions,
we can make another choice next time if we choose. It is important to be self-accepting, even if we believe another
choice would have been better for us. Remember, we are still learning.
We are in the process of becoming our fully realized selves. This
process is a journey, and we really need to be patient with ourselves
along the way. I believe we always do the best we can at the time, even
if it isn't good enough. Sometimes we don't have the information we
need to make a better choice. Sometimes our emotional state prevents us
from making a wiser decision in that moment.
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Let's Teach Our Kids to Be Happy |
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Happiness does not just "happen" to us. Happiness is achieved when we
satisfy our needs in a responsible way. Our lives are largely the
result of our own choices. Even young children can learn how to behave
responsibly, gaining more control over their lives, when they make a
connection between their choices of behavior and the level of happiness
they experience. Our four basic psychological needs are love/belonging, power or
competence, freedom and fun. All behavior is an attempt to satisfy our
basic needs. To be truly happy we all need to satisfy these needs
regularly without interfering with another's attempt to satisfy their
needs. As parents, our role is to assist our children in developing
better behavioral choices as they continue to satisfy these basic
needs. If a child wants to be happier, they may have to do something
different. They may have to make another choice.
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We acknowledge people who are physically challenged. Their difficulties
are obvious. However, there are many people walking around with
invisible scars, and they too need to be acknowledged. A high
percentage of people are the victims of verbal aggression, and unlike
those physically abused, go without any protection. They live with
anger, fear, and guilt. If one hears occasional verbal abuse it may not
seem significant, but it can become toxic! Many diseases are known to
be stress related including depression and heart disease. Verbal abuse is language that's harmful to one's spirit. As I
listen to clients share this deep hurt, I realize that severe chronic
stress has damaged both body and mind. Often the victims are just
relieved that there is no physical abuse. They feel that they are just
"too sensitive" so their emotional reactions are their own fault.
Sometimes they don't even realize this verbal abuse underlies the cause
of their own misery.
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