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Gary Zukav describes unforgivingness as a choice to wear dark,
gruesome glasses that distort everything. We are thus forced to look
through these contaminated glasses on a daily basis. Holding onto
grievances only causes us pain, suffering and conflict. Forgiveness is
a gift for us. Forgiveness frees us, offering us peace of mind.
Forgiveness has nothing to do with condoning an action of another.
We act in error because we forget our divinity. Our God-light becomes
diffused causing us to be disconnected from our power. Most of our
adult issues are a reflection of our childhood experiences. So many
negative, fearful emotions are installed as youngsters that we become
powerless. We know about family cycles. Adults running bad programs
will carry out the negative programming. Something is happening inside
of a person to cause any kind of hurt in another. Happy, healthy
people, feeling their God-connection, don't have negative programming
to consistently hurt others.
So many times in any psychotherapy process, a client's ability to
move forward hinges on their ability to let go of a painful experience
of the past. This painful experience, which may have happened many
years ago, is still causing problems. It may be contributing to
substance abuse, weight gain, physical issues or other kinds of
difficulties. If the hurt is still within us, it causes tension that
blocks our energy flow. These blockages cause disease. We feel
powerless, trapped in victimhood.
The path to forgiveness may be challenging. Often our anger and
resentment seem justified, and we become attached to it. However,
forgiveness is taking positive action reconnecting us with our own
power. We are no longer victims. Before we can experience love, we must
be able to forgive, and we all deserve to love and be loved.
We all have forgiveness work to do if we are still on this planet.
In hypnosis and meditation we can access our higher wisdom. This allows
us to have a different perspective of an experience. I would encourage
you to put yourself into this deep, prayerful state, allowing yourself
to be in touch with your wise mind. Calvin Banyan, a renowned
hypnotherapist, offers us some keys to forgiveness in this focused
state:
Uncover any known causes of the hurtful behavior, leading to
understanding. Consider probable causes. (An abuser usually has been
abused.) I remember one of my clients looking into her mother's eyes
during hypnosis, seeing and feeling the anger and pain of her mother.
She was absolutely astounded by that fact. As a child, she was totally
unaware of her mother's deep-seated pain, though she knew that her mom
had lost a young child. This awareness brought a new level of
understanding and compassion for her mother. Forgiveness was
inevitable.
The offender also experienced pain because of the thing he or she
did. This is not always true of course. The victim may be suffering
while the offender has long forgotten the situation. Freedom is letting
go, not allowing the offender to control our lives by having power over
us.
We uncover the regret that the offender may have over the wrong
or painful thing. By moving into the "wise-self," the part of us that
knows, we can speak to the "wise-part" of the offender.
This is often
difficult for the client to experience if they are not yet ready to let
go of an issue. They often don't want to hear that the offender regrets
the actions and wants forgiveness.
If it is true, we discuss how the intent was not to hurt you, but
rather the offender was trying to fulfill some need, want or desire. I
believe that there is a positive intention driving any behavior. That's
why it is so important to separate the behavior from the intention. The
negative behaviors with hidden, unconscious positive intention are the
ones that cause the chronic problems.
If there was a positive intent, acknowledge it. For instance, I
always felt my dad was very critical, but I know the intent was not to
hurt me. He just had high ideals for me.
If you sense there is regret in the offender, allow him to express it to you. Have the offender directly ask for forgiveness.
Understand that the forgiveness is not for the offender. It is a gift that we give ourselves, freeing us from the past.
You don't have to forget the experience. That is not required.
One of the greatest gifts that we can give ourselves is
self-forgiveness. Forgiveness sets us free from our own prison. We
can't give or receive love if we can't give it to ourselves.
Forgiveness means loving us enough to free us. As we learn through our
past experiences, we have the opportunity to walk the path of
greatness.
I offer you this exercise in forgiveness. With your hand on your heart, take a deep breath and affirm:
I completely forgive myself for taking on this particular
situation. (Name it.) I know I was only doing the best I could at the
time. If I was in another state of mind, or if I had more information,
I may have acted differently. (As you are ready) I ask Spirit to
help me reach the place of forgiveness for myself and for anyone
involved in this situation.. I realize they were only doing the best
they could also. I love and accept myself with all of my problems and
perceived limitations. I don't need this (name negative emotion) any
longer. I am now able to replace it with (positive emotion).
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